literature

TMNT2012 Stranger Than Fiction Chapter 6

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Literature Text

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In Which things get Confusing
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I received a thank you card today, when I opened it to read the contents all I got was the following:

‘Krang would like to thank the one known as The Customer for making Krang aware of the existence of pizza that is very tasty for Krang

PS Krang would also like to thank The Customer for revealing what the term get laid meant’

It was a very odd thank you card but it had the picture of a beautiful flower on which I couldn’t help but give it a spot on my fireplace, now my new apartment is looking a lot more like somewhere I live and not somewhere that is slowly filling up with vodka bottles.

Speaking of vodka, the place probably reeks of it, I stumbled over with my pizza order from Antonio’s, which came early for a change, to the window and slowly opened it.

What I did not expect to see when I opened said window, was some kind of tall, green, thing that looked like a frog? No wait it had a shell, probably a turtle.

Maybe I’ve really overdone it this time, this is probably those hallucinations that I’ve heard about so often, but one thing bothered me…

“I was kind of expecting a pink elephant as my first hallucination from over drinking”

There was a bit of silence when the Turtle slowly turned it’s head towards me, it had a red bandana covering their eyes and my mind slowly wonders if maybe I’ve been drinking too much vodka…

“Um, hi” the giant critter spoke, rather nervously might I add.

There was a bit of silence between me and my hallucination

“So…” I began before speaking once more “Nice night for a stroll?”

“Okay brain” I can hear my thought process nagging,

“Back track, your probably still feeling the effects of the vodka in your system and that’s probably the reason why your hallucinating but can I just ask why your conversing with our hallucination?”

My brain takes a moment until it replies
“Hey it’s my hallucination, I think I can converse with it if I wanted too”

The thought process doesn’t think this is a proper response and begins to point out the reasons why it is probably unhealthy to be talking to figments of my brain’s imagination however my brain just told my thought process to get laid and go out and buy more vodka.

My thought process retorts with how would that even work if this conversation is taking place in someone’s mind?
My brain tells my thought process to look up Wikipedia for answers, the former questions the credentials of Wikipedia and thinks the brain needs to see a doctor, the brain just told my thoughts to shut up or else they’ll make it read Twilight again.

“Um yeeeeah” my hallucination replies awkwardly

“So, why aren’t you a pink elephant?” the red bandana wearing turtle looks at me rather confused.

I think I might’ve pissed him off because he’s staring at me rather angrily “Excuse me?!”
“You know, when people drink a lot of vodka they usually say their first hallucination is a pink elephant, why are you a giant green turtle?”

“Are you serious?!” The green turtle snapped

“I think I pissed it off” my brain mutters
“Don’t encourage it” my thought process gripes
I tell them both to get a room

“I am not a hallucina-” the giant turtle stops midsentence, like a penny just dropped somewhere in his terrapin brain.
“Wait? You think I’m a hallucination?”

“Is it possible for a hallucination to question his own existence?” my brain questions to which my thoughts replied that it doesn’t give a shit anymore.

I nodded to my green turtle hallucination to which the turtle smiled in relief, taking the pizza box out of my hands.

“I’ll take this” he chuckles before running away, my mind took a moment to register what happened before realising that pizza is gone.

“GIVE ME BACK MY PIZZA YOU GIANT PANSY ASS TURTLE!!!!!”

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Once Raphael returned to the lair, pizza in hand, he thought that was pretty funny stealing some drunk’s pizza but on the other hand he wonders what this vodka thing was?

Not that he cared but he made a mental note to find out what it was later…

“Pizza’s Here!!!”
Well how else would they get pizza? Another question I ask myself is how the turtles pay for the stuff? 0_o

I do not own TMNT
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